She got pregnant. April 9, 2012, 10:48 am. BACKFIRES! But still a good thing to have. Man I love got another girl pregnant - Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend Hes decided on what hes going to do, and it does not involve you. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. Its all the adults running away being irresponsible, generally stupid, and downright insane that make this situation such a mess. April 10, 2012, 5:49 pm. Read some of the most popular Dear Wendy posts here. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. I think your maturity should absolutely, completely be judged against how you react when life throws you unexpected thingslike an unplanned pregnancy. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. Continuing along the lines of what John Rohan said above (maybe way above, because Im at work and my reply will take some time to type surreptitiously): The LW and the guy broke up. The child support goes to support the child. The thought of a child waiting for him at home makes going away so much easier. Blood is not everything. But were here to offer advice to LW, so I say evanscr05 is right: Dump this loser, yesterday. because it is the womans responsibility to take her pill on time, etc if thats the type of birth control shes chosen. Just because shes decided to not have an abortion because your boyfriend cant stand her and doesnt want anything to do with her or the innocent child, who, like it or not, he helped create, doesnt mean shes trying to trap him or that shes a scroat. Not your body, not your choice. Hes walking away and Susie will give birth or have an abortion alone. Come on!
April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. A dude youre dating barebacked someone while you were on a break and then came back to you and said he couldnt live without you. Jess of CGW If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. In order to build trust, the person must be trustworthy. How long his new relationship has lasted. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. Having a man use that as his birth control would be as idiotic as a women using dont worry, Ill just pull out as hers. April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. Wrap it up or dont have sex, thats the only choice YOU have. I just feel sorry for the pregnant girl. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. I had no idea. Whos the daddy? Having read some of the (ahem) well-reasoned responses to my post (and your response), I realize the interwebs are probably not the best place to argue the merits of paternity law. Not a double standard at all. And thats why I wouldnt want anything to do with him in the first place. 3. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. Does he think hes too old to be a dad? Month later, Lady finds out shes preggers. I see youre an ignorant homophobe too. iseeshiny There are many other examples of behavior that might possibly lead to unwanted consequences that we each do daily. So, this man had sex with a women while he was unattached and not under any commitment, and that makes him scum? Coke doesnt have to visit you in the hospital and make sure youre happy. By clicking Subscribe Now, you agree to our, Find out why Dr. Sherry has this message for this scorned woman: You are being played with a capital "P!, The Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages. April 9, 2012, 1:15 pm. And the man? April 9, 2012, 11:54 am. April 10, 2012, 4:50 pm. Especially if you think the laws are unfair, I think youd be particularly cautious in your actions. 8. Its a two way street guys. I have no idea why you two took a break if you cant live without each other, but honestly, neither one of you is mature enough to be in a committed relationship. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Why are you standing up for mens right to bang a chick they have known two minutes without a condom and have no consequences for THEIR actions. To be fair, the pregnant woman could be an idiot too but the only info we have about her is that she participated in sex with the LWs bf after knowing him a short time, says she was on birth control and is now pregnant and planning to raise the child. The rest of us enjoy it, I think people dont give the blow job enough credit. Even if this baby malarky goes away, even if this woman only demands financial support and nothing else from your boyfriend, this sort of drama will be your life if you stay with him. Scan this QR code to download the app now. April 10, 2012, 7:25 pm. However, hey, feel free to pretend its still 2000 BC. I love your snark this morning!! Guess what LW? When you two were engaged, he cheated and had a child by another woman. He should get a damn vasectomy. It happens, some people are incredibly fertile. April 9, 2012, 10:04 pm. LW, take a step back and think about what you would tell one of your girlfriends in a similar situation. kerrycontrary He might very well be an immature asshole. Make sure to order my books Mogul: A Novel (Atria Books June 2011; $15); Hiding In Hip Hop(Atria Books June 2008); and Straight From Your Gay Best Friend The Straight Up Truth About Relationships, Love, And Having A Fabulous Life (Agate/Bolden Books November 2010; $15). You dont want his problems. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. Regardless, this guy obviously doesnt seem like anyone you want to be in a relationship with. Not necessarily. Outstanding dont have kids. IMO there are probably better ways to deal w/ the more egregious incidents of paternity fraud. Thats true I figured there was enough speculation on dickish behavior Id just float a more tame scenario by. But in cases where a woman chooses to bear a child against the wishes of the father, the reciprocal obligation is less concrete. (yes, I know, lifes unfair). I agree with a lot of what you have been saying, but he clearly states he will be a deadbeat father to the child in question from what the LW states which is the main reason for his villification. Maybe she doesnt to be with your boyfriend, perhaps she just wants him to be there for the baby as a father. Its only when a baby is involved is when men come to their senses and then have so much things to say like I didnt mean to hurt you, I barely knew her, or the famous line I was drunk. Maybe she IS trying to entrap him. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. Its not anyones fault, theres no one to blame. Remember awhile back there was the letter about the girl who had an abortion and was scared to tell her bf because he was anti-abortion. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. Mileage 450. Nice try. Well get our hands off your uterus when you get your hands off our wallets. Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. This is when we see rebound relationships. . Thanks for noticing, though. I-RIGHT-I Where do stand on the fact that when a pregnancy occurs its only the woman who has to go through either an abortion or childbirth and the man never does either? Deadly, sure, but not highly infectious. Oh, good lord. Chuck Pelto I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. That could very well be true I just tried to answer the letter as if whatever the LW said had some truth to it (like that the other woman was having the baby to purposely lure the guy into a relationship with her, etc.) 99% of women would not blame the other woman, baselessly accuse her of trying to trap her bf, be angry that someone she has no relationship with has chosen not have an abortion per their wishes, treat this woman as if she is solely responsible for child she only helped to conceive. That can either be a blessing or a curse, depending on your views of abortion, where you are in your life, who your partner is, etc. In the vast majority of cases, these relationships do not last long and serve solely to be a . If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke. I think that gives you a little time to get on her good side and work on those shortcomings. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. I get unsettled and frustrated whenever I see my ex girlfriend's photos on Facebook with her boyfriend and pictures of the ultrasound of their baby. You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life? About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Whatever the case, youre not adding to the discussion. reader, kmart+, writes (24 July 2008): A
I'm still contemplating because if my boyfriend finds out, I'm afraid he'll leave me. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. He was not tricked into having sex with her without protection. If she did not use protection with him, or ask him to get tested when they got back together, that is no fault of his, imo. lets_be_honest Can I just say that would bother me a lot. Why are you so obsessed with sex? If they dont want to be taken, then they should think before they poke landygirl. A better comparison would be a woman abandoning her child in a shelter, etc- and while Im happy there is an option for truly desperate people (who often have major issues, mental illness, abuse, etc), I do think that doing that rather than going through a traditional adoption channel is a pretty scummy thing to do. Who then supports the child that the man made? Thats precisely the incentive structure feminism (and the paternity laws that followed) have created. Im lucky that it has worked well for me and Im still childless, especially given the recent breakup and all. If he cant afford the child support, get away from him as he will be an emotional and financial drain. Im currently going through a rough breakup with my partner of nearly 9 years, and if this happened to me two months from now I would be having angry, irrational emotions too. And I am, I must admit. She is sovereign over her own body.
Who actually uses cod wollop, malarky and scroat? I wont go into the reasons they came to this, (very long, and quite personal, story), but its entirely possible that if a women gets pregnant and decides to keep the baby though the father would prefer she abort, he DOES have the option to waive his parental rights and duties to the child and thus not be legally responsible for child support. Wow, that was a super bitchy thing to say. Id confirm that shes actually pregnant The plain truth is your boyfriend did not think about the consequences of unprotected sex (STDs anyone?) Youre right Leroy- the really crazy, dramatic ones are the minority and I tend to ignore them as well. lets_be_honest No interest in fatherhood? By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. We all know breakups are painful. List of Everybody Hates Chris characters - Wikipedia He loves me but got someone else pregnant - Love Letters.com I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) Whether or not the current laws are unfair to the man are irrelevant since this child has already been conceived. I dont know why you dont understand that people think this guy is a scum, because he has said that he is going to be a deadbeat dad, and is pretty much taking no responsibility for what happened. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. I cant believe the absurdity of some of these arguments. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning. You want some advice? Because one of the known outcomes is happening to him and hes pissed at someone else. Chuck Pelto I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. April 9, 2012, 10:12 am. No loss there. Youve never used malarky in any prior comment, so I just dont believe you. Drugs was just one theory to how she got that way. Rarely, does a woman bring a man on the show to announce that hes pregnant and the responds with Id prefer you have an abortion.. . SweetsAndBeats 50 percent of babies are unplanned, and that includes married couples using contraception. You have to be mature and know what is best for you. This LW really doesnt get a say in the matter, true, but if I were her Id take one look at the boyfriends actions and attitudes and dump him. 10 Signs Your Ex Is in a Rebound Relationship - Luvze April 10, 2012, 6:56 pm. Only it is the LW who seems intent on absolving the boyfriend from all responsibility saying furious. These two ideas cannot be simultaneously true. Sometimes the contribution of a father who doesnt want to be a father is far worse than the lack of father. I just think its extremely scumbag-ish to want nothing to do with your child, no matter how it was conceived. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. Now that that lesson is over do you have any other questions? We ended up keeping in touch for months and talked about working things out. so we have a 8mth baby. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. Your welcome. Women are more easily able to get custody? They shouldnt just play house for the sake of the kid. SweetsAndBeats No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. Yes everyone went bonkers.